i finally know where the source is.

and wooo.

darling will be having his blk leave this whole week except for cohesion on friday @ sentosa. good enough though.

met him this morning after his cos duty and went to have our breakfast and so on. have been some time since we go to the library. ((:

bought a dress! so happy about it, it's like my very first dress i bought this year myself except for another one i bought online. to be more accurate, ya this is the second piece. like what seng said, if i buy one... i will have two, three, four and many many more coming in!

had dinner at darling's house after so so so soooo long! great feeling though to have everyone seated down and dine together. dar brother's gf (eelynn, right?) was there as well! haa. first time dinner with full attendance ((: well, darling's brother found out about me clubbing quite often, lol. thanks.

ha out of nowhere, huimin (band) msn-ed me just. asking me to go back help out band whenever i am free. like oh man, how can i help? sweep the damn floor? because i have not been practising since i left secondary school. another thing is that mr lim took over pss band already. like finally... rescue our band! just feel that i don deserve to go back help out. ((: haa, thanks for the offer.

tomorroww! yeahhhs! will be heading down to vivo for some shopping spree with darling and also movie `just follow law`. i love watching movie at vivo because the seat is super comfortableee! it's shopping and movie time tomorrow! hooray!

oh yeah darling, so when can i learn driving? LOL.

head back to club around 11odd near 12. surprisingly, i saw some familiar faces. darling's army friends. so i introduced my friends to them and them to my friends. still, the music aint that good. spoil moood. booooo~




left zouk quite early and then off we went for supperrrr! not really supper though. just chit-chatting etc. we've graduated! congrats everyone. time to find full-time job. can you believe it, we are no longer students. no more students offer, no more student meal, no more benefits. eeyer. growing older and older...

lol...

;byee!

am preparing to go to school for that capstone interview.
be blessed.

main new year's over! holiday's gonna be over! booking in tomorrow :(

fyi, it's tueday today. thursday will be capstone interviewww. ive totally no idea what i should do, how to prepare for the interview? and i don even remember what i had handed up. however, after that 15mins interview, i will be free once again! graduateee, waiting for my dip cert then retire?

had steamboat dinner at my house last night. so many people cramp into my mini living room. until yesterday then i realised that my house is rather small. haa. yumm. then played blackjack again, almost losing every round but still, no win no lose. left house around 9pm to meet darling for movie with melng, weetat, weelee and giap. watched "the protege" . indeed i love that show, a show worth the money i guess. ar at least i like it. haa.

today... met darling around 11+ in the morning and went amk central walk walk and have our lunch. really nothing much to do over there also but no choice cos he can't come my house. anyway, he wanted me to go over to his house for dinner but i guess it's pretty troublesome and i was so tired. so rather have dinner at home... steamboat again! mannnn... if only it's sakae sushi :D


and i like this song. finally found it! (must listen!*)

harlem yu - kao jing

seriously too bored to be true this new year. but luckily my brothers are out so i have got this com all by myself! ((:

movie movie tonight after dinner. can't wait (:
darling, hugs. i really hate it when you become very paranoid and over-sensitive. i know it's difficult for you to overcome that kind of fear. as long as we work hard together towards our goal&ambitious, we will be fine. together for so long already, you should know what i really want and what i really hate talking about. who doesn't want to be happy all the time? i want to be happy ok? but i will only be happy if you're happier, so... be happy always okie?

and i am very sorry to be so nasty and harsh to you since last night. maybe i am having my post-ms. my attitude towards you these days is not very right. i hereby apologise. no matter what happen next time, speak up k? and please don have any more silly thoughts. we should be mature enough to think of what's right and what's wrong.

muahs; loveess *

what a boring new year...

went to darling's house yesterday afternoon. played cardgame and had steamboat for dinner.
well...

at the end of the day, something bad happened again. shall not elaborate more. gek sim.


***

good things you did, nobody will ever remember.
bad things you did, everybody will remember.

human are funny creatures.
they CAN forgive but can NEVER forget.

i cannot change the perception others think of me. just because of that incident, everybody thinks i am not worthy at all. whatever they want to think about me i cant stop them. they give me names, scolded me, there's still nothing i can do. really don know what i can do now. i've tried my best in gaining back the trust but why... why are you so scared? it's so demoralising and disappointing when my effort has gone to waste.

well, nobody's at fault or anything. i don blame anyone. seriously. there're many ups and downs in life, this is part and parcel of life. we should learn to accept things the way it is. we should learn accept anyone's flaws. no one is perfect. i am 0% perfect. i have made the most mistake but i am still trying very hard.

i hate to think about all these. why can't we just put every fucking things aside? to me, avoidance is still the best even though i know that it is not the best solution. there are many many endings to a specific problem. one has to be more open to solutions... being possessive and paranoid won't help as well, it just makes thing worst.

i am still young, am really still out to seek more fun. we should enjoy when we are younger! life is really short... when we are older, there will be restrictions. when we are even older, there will be even more restrictions. so why not, make use of your youth and enjoy life to the fullest until the day when we think we are old.

no point brooding over things that are in the past. it just makes life difficult for everyone. no point bearing grudges as well. human changes... lifestyle changes... mindset changes...

why... why must you be controlled by others? should have your own stand of view.

oh fiak. and my legs are still aching from yesterday's.
terribly painful. yes, my new year this way (:

my grandparents will be staying over at my house for appx 3 days or so. for these few days, there's a slight change in my lifestyle though. my grandmother will be sleeping with me, i will have to entertain them because i believe they are bored over here at my house, i have to make sure that whenever they use the toilet they're safe and sound because of the slippery floor. actually, i am just worried because i feel that it's not very hazard-free at my house. everywhere is too dangerous, even on bed where there are troops of hidden creatures trying very hard to sleep with me.

ha.

just hope that my grandparents will be comfortable over here.


If I was a rich girl (na, na....)
See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl
No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end
Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl

:((

i don know why... but i have got the want-to-cry feeling again.
hate it.

FINALLY, we've all completed our contempo report ((: once again, FREE LIKE A BIRD!

went back to TP yesterdae with darling to hand up my report as well as our lunch there. yum. still as nice as ever, but why can TP be nearer to amk? so that after i graduate, i can still have my lunch there whenever i like. maybe one day i should try NYP's food, cos it's nearer to me! save money too. wahaa.

after TP-ing, we went bugis and bought a lot of clothes. didn't expect us to buy anything but since there're nice things available, spend it! was suppose to meet a girl to get the leggings but in the end, she said that something in her school cropped up, so i went down to marks and spencer and get it myself. now, i have difficulty meeting her -_-

though we didn't spent our valentine's day dining in a restaurant etc, i am still glad that at least you took off and accompanied me for the day (: haa. no worries if there aint any rose for me because i never never like to carry flowers. yesterday i realised that even aunties have roses! cool. when i grow older, will i have roses too on valentine's day? haa. *

...and i will be meeting the girls tomorrow! full attendance tomorrow? ayee. partying at ZOUK on friday night! i don know why but i somehow feel excited. seem as if i have not step into zouk for a million years! and we're almost graduating - three years had passed! wooo. hopefully it will be FUN tomorrow! aye.

darling and i apologise for being harsh towards you last night. don know what makes me feel so frustrated and attitude-p also. sorry darling. promise you that i will be good ((: as long as you're happy, i will be happy too. SO please don be sad, depressed, angry or so. hugs. loving you to the max. hope to regain the trust again; will never betray your trust again.

hopefully you can pass your shooting today! and tomorrow half day, shiok ah? hee. while i party tomorrow night, you enjoy catching up with mel foo they all k! take care of yourself too. new year's coming, don fall sick ya! don be like me.

yeahs looking forward to tomorrow!
cos i can see darling in the day and the girls at night! woohooo.

aye. pardon me. i am just ultimately boreddd.

had difficulty sleeping last night due to bad bad sorethroat and flu. sucked on those sweet doctor gave me the other time when i fake it. but now, it's of good use. sorethroat the cause of eating too many chocolate! aye but i have nothing else to eat at home. rushing through my report and make sure i am done with it this evening because tomorrow's valentine's day and darling took off.

most probably, we will be heading down to tp tomorrow noon to get my stuff printed out and handed up! yes, i wish i can get everything done by this evening. please. i have to. but at this rate i am going... most probably i will just be handing up rubbish report. ha.

chinese new year's coming... terrible.

shouldn't i be happy? ha, i doubt so. when i was younger, i yearn for every cny to come asap. because i have got brand new clothes, holidays, ang baos, goodies etc. but now... i don see a point of getting new clothes. i just want many many ang baos so i am a little richer!

i don know why, but instead of looking forward to the new year, i am looking forward to 28th instead! party party, like finally! ((:

oh seng, you're a lucky girl!
hee!

darling, i cant wait to see you. tonight i will definitely have a good night sleep with you patting me to sleep (: i don know why but i feel safer whenever you're around. hugs. book out soon k!

ilu always *

i opened it and i saw OUR sweet photos. photos taken quite some time back but of great memories! it was from darling; but where's darlinggg...? looked around and i saw him! few minutes ago i was still chatting with him on the phone and then he appeared just so suddenly, right in front of me! no words can describe my feelings then. i was elated, floating on cloud nine!

what's inside? - your thoughts in the little book, a box of chocolate, our photo, a lovely mug, a "crystal clipper" ((:

darling, thanks for such a surprising valentine's day surprise! i am indeed super surprise-d! really didn't expect such action to be from youu. haa. thanks for composing that song and sang it for me. it is really our song, can't stop my tears just now :(( hugs. but it was great! maybe you can be a composer? ha! no doubt that you still have to book in tomorrow, you still make such a trip down to meet me at this hour. thank you darling, it really brighten up my night. so much so that i am not sure if i am able to turn in tonight or not. thank you for being there for me all the time during my lousiest moments. darling, money cannot buy everything. i love the little book where you wrote me lots of short notes and thoughts. i love the song you wrote for me. i love everything you give. we have spend more than two years together and we are too dependent on each other. to me, it is a good thing. but to you... i am not sure? hee. most probably is a good thing too!

my dearest, it's my wrong for hurting you for the last few months. but i promise you, i will love you wholeheartedly from now on. i promise. no others can steal my heart away again, it's all yours. forgive me for all my wrong. forget everything that hinder our love. it was a horrid obstacle we both have overcome-d. as long as we stay strong and be true darling. we will be like before, i promise. i will be a good girlfriend now, a good wife and maybe a good mother in future? arh. shy* :)

though we may not have time to spend on the actual valentine's day, but to me... every moment with you is already our valentine's day! ha.

to my dearest darling...

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

* loving you more and more everyday <3

you helped me up whenever i fall deep, you gave me chance after every mistake

i will definitely not take it for granted

loving you for eternity

stay with me

our journey carries on...

"love asks me no question and gives me endless support."

sunday. sunday evening; hate it the most.

collected the polo yesterday early afternoon. rushed like mad from work to home, home to meet that person. thank goodness she's one patient girl, if not, i would have been killed. after that, darling and i went to marina square, had our lunch and then shopped around. tried one of the topshop dress, price is so affordable too! so tempted to get it but i've got too much of such. shall save up instead. after marina, we went bugis. i tell you, the human traffic is enough to make me boil! grrr. but still, i managed to get one skirt! happy.

had mango tango after months and played arcade games again. woo. but luck wasnt on my side either, kept losing. ya la. i lousy. wahaa.

went back to bishan for movie. watched "xin zhong you gui", quite a alright movie. there were certain parts that scare me to hell. but i still forced myself to watch it, yes, i have to overcome this! no point wasting money and watch black screen. oh and j8 was floooded with human-s as well all because of xiaozhu! but i didn't get to see him. too many of his fans EVERYWHERE! sad. shopped around and bought a pair of patent shoes again ((:

decided to head down to amk hub after that to get darling's solution. didn't had dinner as both of us were not hungry. shopped a little and bought a pair of couple ring! exciting. bought sushi again, in love with sushi but getting sick of it very soon. aye.

so many so many to do. i hope i can complete my report soon. just get started this evening. please. need to get it done by tuesday evening i hope.


goood night sleep indeed ((:

i hope i can stop dreaming of you though. :((

many doubts. many questions.
who can answer them all? only you.
but i believe the answers will all be negative.

really wonder if you really do _____ me.
really wonder if i am _____ to you.
really wonder what you _____ from me.
really wonder what i've done _____.
really wonder if you've ever _____ me.

i guess they are all negative. i was too naive to believe every single words you said. but i still believe... like what i've told jim last night. the wrongs will be overwrite. we've to forgive and forget.

only the sweet memories left because i hate to think of the evil moves you did. ha, from the beginning, i was just a speck of dust; a piece of sheet for you to tease; for you to mocked at when you're lonely. ha. sad to say, i am just nothing to you. that's why you have the courage to destroy my life. destroy everything, with the influence of your surroundings.

big big sigh. but thank you, you've made me realised that i have made the right choice afterall. i know you will not give me peace but still, you've made me shut down all possible communication space between you and me. and this is what you always wanted; finally it happened, happy? thought you're mature enough to be sensible and reasonable. i guess i am still wrong.

i know you're happier than before.

woahs! guess what!

woke up kinda early and headed down to stb where i am suppose to be. to get all my research and evidences done for my freaking report which is due this coming thursday and i jolly well thought that it is due on the 22nd. if not for seng, i would have happily slack till most prob after the vday.

but seng knock some sense into me that i finally wake up from my sleeeep! thank you sengkia for reminding me! *

met suet this morning at orchard mrt then, we crawled all the way down to stb. fiaking far indeed ((: imagine hiring a cab down, maybe it will be a wise choice? anyway, chatted loads with her. felt as if we have not been chatting after we were splitted up. hee. the feeling's still there. greeaat! finally reached the place and woahh... i see so many familiar faces, all from htm again. did some of the research, photocopied and off we go for some xiu xiu shoppingggg. however however and however, didn't bought anything. sadd-ed. hate it. i will be a happy girl again if i bought at least one item! but no... no more impulse buying because i don have the asset to spend. pay's coming in but i am not working now. this much amount will last me till i found another job. poooor thing.

oh! on wednesday - one day after raine's bday; seng, doreen, raine, hongyan and me went k-ing at lucky chinatown. it's more like a gossiping and story-telling session with them! so many many surprises and interesting stories heard. yeah, like i am not the only one in such a situation. ha! sang quite a few songs and i remembered singing "zhang xin ze - zuo ni de nan ren" with hongyan and when he stopped singing, i heard another guy singing very loudly. the voice is surrounding me and they thought is from the next room. i didnt know why the fiak i got so freaking scared and i just threw the mic on the flooor and covered my ears. i thought it was some other things... eww. aye, just hum ji. but it was scary. words cannot describe -.-

hm yeppps. now i am looking forward to 28feb for... wooooo! we know.


valentine's dae is round the corner and i ought to be killed! have yet to prepare nor get anything for him. sigh. i thought i have got lots of time but those free time were spent at home msning, blogging, surfing sprees and so on. after wasting so much time, i finally realised that i have to start doing my report if not, i will not be able to hand up on time. have to get it completed asap but i guess i will only have time to do on sundae night, monday and tuesday. omg.

sigh, darling. yes, i am a lousy girlfriend. stress out over what to do for you on v-dae. so, don put too much hope on what you will be getting. you're a great boyfriend, i am a lousy girlfriend :(

i only cause you more and more trouble...


if only i have got more time. if only i take note of the date regularly. maybe someone should buy me a super big calander. and fiak, i don even know what's todae's date.


darling, though i thought you will be released damn early today and i thought we will be able to go down to sakae for lunch&dinner, army has once again never failed to disappoint me. it's okay. it's my fault to got so fed-up with you but now, i have thought it through already. we can have it some other times. just hate army so much, they are super garang liars. always giving you all empty promises and so much work to do! only think of themselves, selfish piggsss! no more sakae for me they happy!

was utterly disappointed la, but now im better. just hoping for you to meet me soon.

yeah! had a lovely haircut after tutorial just now!

though there's not much difference, i am still loving it! feels less burden too!


well, i was obviously late for school again. suppose to wake up at around 7am but ended up waking up at 725am. plus the horrid traffic jam and slow bus frequency etc. yes yes yes, i am not suppose to blame the traffic and bus drivers. it's all my fault to wake up so late ((:

terribly clumsy when i reached school. rushed to the com lab and started printing my draft out. bullied a junior by cutting her queue. she was occupying all the printers, so irritating! then i gave her some irritated look asking her if i can borrow the printer for one minute to print just 5 pages. then you know what she did? she shut down the printer and on it again, means i gotta wait longer! just my luck! anyway, was walking damn fast to the engin blk to meet the tutor :( legs almost break. when i went into the classroom... another horrible thing happen! when i sat down, i didnt realise that the table is not "hollow" so i stretched my legs out and pushed the table forward towards the tutor. embarrassing! then... i dropped all my documents on the floor. was so breathless still. luckily it's not any job interview la. anyway, consultation with tutor twice, twice also late late late. guess, he will definitely penalize me :( oh man. feels sooo sad. ha.

received a news from darling saying that he's representing his company for shooting? well, stay out everyday! coooool! hope he will do well too! jiayou ah.


oh yes! to our beloved yang...

歌曲: 试着忘了 歌手: 赖雅妍

习惯了不想你也可以快乐

我想这是我的新主意

不要怪我不通情达理

习惯了寂寞的时候跳舞

听一首怀旧的音乐 跳一支一个人的舞

我很好

看不见都能感觉得到

我真的很好 不再给你

无谓的干扰

试着忘了你的好

试着忘了你的拥抱

试着忘了那一次的温柔

不想习惯了

就想要试着忘了那一秒

试着忘了你的微笑

试着忘了那一次的习惯

不想习惯了 不习惯了

__ just happen to hear this song when watching yu le bai fen bai; haa sounds quite good thou i do not know who the heck she is. ((:

another boring day. stucked at home; doing nothing. browsed through all the sprees plus sales sites already; read most of the blogs already; bored.

daren won! yeahs. ha. was too bored last night as well so i watched through the superstar final. quite interesting though; loves the overall performance and backstage lighting, graphics, designs etc. all thanks to the advancement of technology.

think i am really typing in a sian-sian mood, guess everyone who reads it will become sian too. why are you sian...? ha.

sigh. when i am alone, i tend to think more; more of those things that should be forgotten. for the very first time on friday, darling got so furious and lectured me. yeah. for the very first time after 30months of get-together. ((: but any human will be angry too. scared-ed. but i deserve it. i will do whatever you told me to. don want to lose you anymore. sorry to hurt you once again *slap myself*. after much forgiven by you, i made the same mistakes again and again. im really sorry and i seek your forgiveness darling. swear that i will never hurt you again, never betray your trust anymore. i will help you climb the 12-storey stairs once again. this time i know i may have pushed you real hard down to the ground floor... let's climb up and reach for the peak once again. i will prove them all wrong, will not make you "lose-your-face" in front of your friends again.

i will prove them all wrong. let's start everything afresh. i will treasure you more. (: iluaaa!

The ambulance sped and met with an accident with a huge truck. Smashed every single bits of breakables including the victims' hearts. It did not arrive at the hospital on time to save the poor patient and instead, killed all - the drunk reckless driver, the medics, the patient and the patient's-"next-to-kin".

Why must the patient died in such a horrible way? The patient wanted to simply go to the nearby clinic to get some quick medication yet the patient's-"next-to-kin" insist of ringing up the emergency ambulance. Everything is a sudden tremendous disaster.

If only, the patient was not brought to hospital, things wouldn't turn out to be this way. The patient may have a longer life span though, even just for a few seconds. But again, I believe that everything is fated and controlled by the KINGS above -- whatever will be, will be.


So who is to be blamed -- The reckless drive? The patient's-"next-to-kin"? or the patient?

My answer will be "Nobody's to be blamed."



The deads will eventually start their brand new life again with better future coming along their way; definitely. Start everything from scratch again, think and look positively. Most importantly, prove to those who despice or look down on you wrong, be a happy soul. MUST!

Throw all unhappy memories behind and look forward. Happy memories will obviously be remembered, however may not be remembered as well. As for me, I will just smile when I thought of those happy memories spent and move on. No point frowning too much, there isn't any time machine for me to turn-back-time. I wish...

Ha. Let's not talk about the past though, it's kinda torturing at times. Hope the brand new lunar year will bring happiness to everyone who are directly or indirectly link to me. Just want everybody to be happy, hopefully forever. The kind of priceless smiles... are much appreciated!


Treasure the people around you; they may be gone any time.



...well; whatever will be, will be.